Generosity, Need, and Having "Enough"

I did something unusual this month. It would not have been so unusual for someone else, but it was for me. Unfortunately, I don't really consider myself a very "generous" person. I've been too wrapped up in scrambling to get "mine", get more than "enough" and have something left over, have felt too independent and prideful, and too ashamed when I haven't had "enough" through my own efforts. 2009 has not really helped me to move beyond the "scarcity" mind set. But then again...I suppose it really has!

Money has been on the scarce end of things since last Christmas when my landlord decided to try to evict us. We've been fighting with him, paying past due rent, and withstanding the stress for 12 entire months. This included a few nasty little tricks pulled by the landlord, such as not cashing a check for 2 months and then filing another eviction order for non-payment of rent.

Nevertheless, we have prevailed and I have become a more spiritual person. I know take full advantage of angelic intervention, try to keep my personal vibrations high and positive, express my gratitude for all that I have been given already, made a vision board and communicated my intentions to make changes in my life and attitude. And it all has come together in such a rich way! A rich way as in manifesting an additional $10,000 this year to meet my financial obligations. And a rich way as in really feeling more positive about my life and my future.

What I didn't expect was that this richness would make me a more generous person,in ways beyond just money.

My long-term friend wrote me several letters this year and we both were deeply stressed by financial pressures. Her family house is at risk of foreclosure. She has grown up in that house! If that wasn't enough, in her last letter she told me that she had no heat and the upstairs family member's apartment had no gas. This, in December! I hated reading that letter! She didn't deserve to live like this! I used to think that I was the only one suffering under similar circumstances several years ago. I thought everyone else had an easier time of it. I thought that my trials were somehow related to my bad choices or my husband's bad choices and I was very depressed and hopeless. I hated to read the same thoughts coming from my friend.

She wrote me that she wanted to come to a holiday brunch that we were having to celebrate the abundance that we had come to appreciate in our lives in 2009. She needed to be around some positive people for a while. I decided that I would help her. I had just resolved our financial issues with the landlord and I felt good about how 2009 was ending.

So when she came to the party, I gave her a Christmas present. We don't usually exchange gifts, so she was surprised to get a git from me. Little did she know that the gift of a cat mug also had $100 tucked inside it. I figured she could either use it to treat herself or to pay a bill, or maybe even to help her to get her heat turned back on. My friend didn't open the gift then and there, so I had to wait for her reaction.

A day later she sent me an email thinking me for the gift. Then she sent me a letter where she thanked me some more and told me that her mouth had dropped open when she saw the money. She was thinking that there must have been some mistake! (So, I guess, in her world, nobody gives her $100...except now I've changed her world into one where someone certainly DOES give her $100!) And today I got another little note from her, still saying Thank You, Thank You.

I'm glad that I was able to give her the money. It wasn’t that I was so flush with bucks at Christmas time, but I remembered when another friend helped me earlier this year by providing money when I needed it, instantly, and with no questions or comments or suggestions about how to live my life better. I appreciated it then and I wanted to extend that gift further out into the world to help someone else. I'm glad to know that I have changed her world.

That's one incident. Now I've noticed that I am also changing into a person who is more generous in spirit, too. Another friend asked me to cat sit for her while she went to Mexico for a week. I wasn't really interested. She doesn't live close to me, I'd have to go after work and I'm tired enough at the end of the day to not want to add an extra task to my list. But she asked again when she couldn't find anyone else to help out for the last 2 days of her trip. So I agreed to do it, because i knew she really needed me to do it. So last night when it was 0 degrees and blustery outside, I went to her house and cared for her kitties. I did it again tonight, including cleaning the litter pan, wiping up vomited hairballs, and accidents outside of the litter pan. I know that the kitties appreciated it. They were so happy to see me! And I know that she will appreciate it as well.

I guess what I'm learning is that we really don't operate in a vacuum. We all need each other. My thinking is going beyond the whole nuclear family idea. My friends are becoming my family and we all try to treat each other well. I'm learning that it makes the world a better place and it makes me feel connected to the people that I care about and care about me. It's a good lesson to learn.