BLINDSIDED IN THE SUMMER OF 2012!!
The young woman in the picture seems to have nothing to do with me! She is smiling and thinking about her future, feeling happy, reveling in her abundance.
On the contrary, I have felt lost, dazed, impotent, and scared. In the Spring I remember having a random thought that I would be devoting a lot of time to my health in the summer. But I was thinking that maybe I'd get some routine follow-up done with my eye doctor and spend a lot more time in the gym, working out and trying to lose 30 lbs.
But that wasn't waht this summer was about at all. This summer was about being blind-sided, multiple times.
It started innocently enough back in February when I noticed a little ‘spotting.’ No big deal at all, just a fluke of nature. Then the spot came again in March, exactly 4 week later. At that point it was an ‘interesting coincidence’.
Then 4 weeks later it came yet again. I woke up and seemed to sniff a slight aroma of coffee. This was a little ‘weird’. So I went online to find out about it. Several web sites on women’s health said that spotting after menopause was absolutely abnormal and “go to the gynecologist....NOW!”
So I did. And I was told that I have abnormal cells that are one step below cancer. What? ME?? And then I learned that a ‘D and C’, which used to be the universal cure-all for most ‘feminine‘ problems, was not going to do the trick for me. The medical recommendation was a hysterectomy.
Between the beginning of June and the middle of August I’ve had 13 doctor visits for additional testing, consultations, and medical clearances. In between the doctor visits, I worked my horrible work schedule, tried to survive working in an office without air conditioning for days on end, and tried to find out whatever I could about the before-and-after of having a hysterectomy.
I felt blindsided from left field, like I was a walking medical time bomb, that I had lost my health. And I found out that recovery is 6 weeks and after those 6 weeks you are still tired. Spending 8 hours a day sitting in front of a computer will be exhausting. So, I guess my hour each way commute on a bus and 2 subways with 4 flights of stairs before and after work will also be exhausting.
The recommendation was ‘‘ don’t rush back to work too early, take enough time to heal.”
So as I started to wrap my mind around what 6 weeks of recovery would be like, I started figuring out the finances. I’d heard from other people that when you go on temporary disability you only get 66% of your salary. YIKES! I am one of those people who live paycheck to paycheck and have no reserves (which many people consider to be a sin). For me its the high cost of living in New York City. One paycheck alone goes to the rent and utilities, with no food.
So I went online to find out how to apply for temporary disability and found out that.......BIG SURPRISE! No, I would not be getting 66% of my salary. I would get $385 a week with FICA taken out of that. Blindsided again! So I will be thousands of dollars short of my usual paycheck over a 6 to 8 week period. And it takes a month to receive the first check.
Then I investigated buying Supplemental Disability Insurance. However; I have a ‘pre-existing condition‘ which means I will not be covered for it for a 12 month period. So, that is no solution.
Now I need to rely on the kindness of my friends, and maybe some strangers who I’ll never know.
I’m asking this: Can you take me to lunch at Mickee D’s? I don’t eat at McDonald’s so I don’t actually expect to go there with you. But a combo meal at McDonald’s costs over $8.00 here in NYC now. So could you contribute $9.00 to me to help me when I need it?
I need you to make me your project for the month of September and/or October. I need you to ask any group which you belong to if they will help by making me their project for the month. I need to raise thousands to get through this and the only way I can do that is with multiple people helping me by coordinating mini fund raisers.
Those of you who know me well also know that I’m very independent. I don’t like to ask for help and I don’t expect handouts from people all the time. I try to solve my problems myself.
My family knows about my predicament. My 90 year old mother is not financially able to help. The rest of my small family don’t seem to be able to understand that “Self Reliant Sue” has encountered something she can’t handle on her own. It’s really hard when the ‘go to person‘ in a family needs someone to go to.
I’m hoping that this is some Spiritual lesson that has a happy ending. Something like, “Don’t worry. Trust in God. You will be taken care of. You are loved, even by strangers.”
Right now I have to say something about Al, my life partner/husband/BFF. Some people have asked, “What’s he doing about this? How’s he taking it? He’s as shocked and scared as I am, but he’s keeping it to himself and doing everything he can to be a supportive husband. He’s getting up in the middle of the night to get tonic water and hot compresses for my frequent leg cramps. He surprises me by cleaning the house. He wishes me “Good Surprises Today” and then slips Kit Kats into my purse, which I find after I get to work. He is LOVING me and taking care of me in the ways he is able to.
So, my friends, I hope that something in this letter will resonate with your Spirit. I hope that an inner voice will nudge you to take a step to do something to help. Anything will be appreciated. I will feel it in my heart and soul, and I will remember you and your generous act of kindness in my prayers for ever.
If you would like to help please click on the Paypal button below and visit my Blog regularly for updates and also visit if you have time to share with me. I'll be sharing my recovery, my dreams, and my Art. So until we're here together again.
Thanks for your kindness,
Sue
